Neji and Sasuke's Bro Talk
by metalmiked48
Summary: Sasuke and Neji meet up and have a random conversation. They talk about girls and their troubled past. Rated M for language and pervertedness. First fic.


Neji and Sasuke's Bro Talk

Sasuke sighed. It was almost six PM; it would be getting dark soon. He was having a peaceful day, and was pleasantly surprised to have no one bothering him for the first time since he got back to the village. Thinking about it, Sasuke saw that this vibe of peace was present in the air around him. All was calm.

From what he had heard from the same dobe that managed to bring him back after a six year stretch of angst, there was almost constantly an air of quiet desperation and strife in the village that his brother had killed and died for. That train of thought led to the depressing memory of the second climactic battle between him and his best friend upon Sasuke's vengeful homecoming with the intent to kill all. He still couldn't figure out how the former Team 7 had managed to pull enough strings to have him reinstated as a regular Konoha ninja. One thing about Danzo was the fact that his military determination saw the Uchiha prodigy as too great of a weapon to ignore and condemn. Oh the irony.

This morbid recollection caused the sole owner of the Sharingan to completely lose his place in the book he was reading and the air of peace and calm that was oh so pervasive until but a moment ago. He struggled to regain his grip on said peace futilely, mainly because he noticed the only other of the rookie 9 labeled as a genius leaning apathetically on the same wall as he was in much of a similar fashion. Sasuke was confused and slightly pissed that the Hyuga was copying him in such a blatant way, and the thought occurred that it would help the gay rumors to see him and another moody individual leaning against a wall, feet from each other, despite the fact that both were reading.

"What are you doing here…?" Sasuke inquired despite how rude and random it might have seemed.

"I could ask the same thing and it would be just as pointless." Neji retorted after a short moment. He had a point. Sasuke realized what an ass he'd just made of himself by asking a ninja more respected than he was what he was doing when he was doing the exact same thing as he was.

"I just don't see why you have to be right here." He replied, worthy of his nickname.

"Is your focus so easily bothered by someone standing next to you without even talking to you until you rudely asked why he was there?" Dammit. Sasuke debated with himself whether to keep trying to out-douche his current opponent. He decided in a burst of pride that his hands were tied by the pride of the all but non-existent Uchiha. There was no way he would lose this solely verbal warfare.

"Could you just leave?"

"I might've, if you'd have asked nicely. Now, I find that I like this spot. Besides, what permission does a recent missing-nin still on probation by the office of hokage have to order non-deserters around the village just because they want to?" Double dammit.

"How'd you know about that?"

"Who doesn't? Was it supposed to be a secret? Anyway, with the shortage of good ninja, why is the sole true-blood possessor of the Sharingan not out on a mission? This is one of my few precious days off, but judging from how protective you are of your little spot, you're here doing what you were a moment ago quite a lot."

Sasuke chuckled bitterly, "Remember that probation you referred to? As of now, I'm forbidden to leave the village without expressed written consent of the hokage, and I'm restricted to only D-rank missions. It's like being a friggin' genin all over again."

"Heh heh… I didn't think Danzo knew you well enough to know just how much that would piss you off. Anyway, even if you're restricted to D-rankers, why aren't you off doing them?" Neji managed between short bursts of calm laughter.

"In a manner of speaking, I am. They should be done right about now." Sasuke responded calmly.

Neji was confused. "They? The point of getting paid for missions is that you have to carry them out."

"D missions suck so much. Any monkey can do them. I just pay this group of civilian kids with fake hitai-ates. I wouldn't be caught dead picking some civilians weeds or catching fish." Sasuke divulged, wondering why he revealed that little bit of info to someone he barely knew past a name.

"But that would be hilarious. With the Sharingan you could just jump in and grab the fish like a bear. Or you could paralyze them by putting them through three days of being made into sushi over and over again."

'_Don't laugh God Dammit!'_ After releasing a scoff that sounded too much like a chuckle, Sasuke cursed himself. _'Come on! You're better than this!'_ He quickly hardened himself back into the cold douche bag we all know and some love. Upon doing this, he looked up and noticed a couple walking through that particular town square. His face turned back to the apathy-ridden half glare he wore through eighty percent of his life. His gray-eyed companion noticed this and looked to where the Uchiha's sight had been placed. Upon the sight of Orange and Pink in close proximity, he looked back at the Uchiha and sighed.

"Tough break man." Neji got out, attempting to console the other from the ache he assumed he was feeling after seeing his best friend and his principal love interest (if it was possible for Sasuke) had hooked up.

Noticing his own reaction to seeing his friends like that and Neji's reaction to his reaction, he sighed in spite of himself. "It's not like that at all. I'm actually glad they finally got together. Odd as it may seem, it was actually sort of depressing to see Sakura ask me out, be denied again and again and again, then be asked out by a cheery and always ready and willing Naruto only to be denied again and again and again. I even tried to tell her to consider Naruto's request once or twice but she somehow came up with the prospect that I was trying to deny myself of love I really wanted or I was trying to make myself jealous or some shit. That doesn't even make sense!"

"Back up," Neji sort of interrupted. "Pinky asked _you_ out!? You're gay." He added rather calmly.

Caught off guard Sasuke stammered before issuing a well thought out rebuttal to the Hyuga's previous point, "Fuck you!!!"

"I'm sure you'd like to wouldn't ya, faggot."

"B-…Shut up! She's just not my type at all, okay!? There'd be no way I could actually have a relationship with a loud girl that responds to anger by randomly hitting what or whoever is within five feet of her and who's regular pastimes included randomly swooning over me like she did back… back then…" The black haired prodigy caught himself… was he… reminiscing?

"Come on. It's not like you never found yourself wondering whether the carpet matched the drapes?"

"What?"

"Um…" Neji paused, wondering whether to go through with this admittedly perverted comment. "You know…Whether she's a natural pink…"

Sasuke's eyes turned into the blank, badly drawn white circles that only appeared during moments like this. "Dude…" Sasuke was speechless, this time unintentionally. The truth of this was that he had…and he'd used a certain Byakugan-ish quality of the Sharingan to pinpoint this very phenomenon. "Well…" Neji's eyes widened. "I sorta already found out."

Neji closed his eyes and shook his head. "You used the Sharingan, didn't you? Wow, man… You don't know how many times I've fought down that temptation. I thought you had a bit more dignity than that though. Did she notice that you randomly activated it?" Neji asked, obviously greatly amused by this.

"I don't know, but she sure as hell noticed the nosebleed afterwards," he responded, barely heard over Neji's now constant laughter. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by your perverseness, Sakura's just not my type. I need a quieter girl who doesn't lose her mind every time I look at her. Someone smart and quiet, maybe like Hin-" He quickly cut himself off, realizing he was about to throw out the idea of being with Neji's most honorable cousin, the protection of whom was technically Neji's life duty. The veins beginning to appear around Neji's eyes were also an indication to shut the fuck up. "-like a nice quiet civilian girl…" Any other day he might have said Hinata's name and not given a fuck but this was her sworn protector, and surprisingly enough, he was actually somewhat enjoying this conversation.

Neji was quite ready for a subject change. "So, I've been meaning to ask you about this for a while, but why'd you go AWOL for six years and then come back randomly intending to kill everyone?" Neji knew he was being EXTREMELY blunt about this, but to him, it needed to be said.

"(sigh) Look man, I've had a pretty fucked up past."

"I doubt it can compare with mine."

"I doubt it compares with anyone's."

"My father was killed by my clan so his body could be sent to another country in my uncle's stead."

"Really? That's it?" Neji became worried at this notion. That trauma had plagued him for most of his life. He remembered that the entire Uchiha clan was slaughtered by someone. Shit… What had he just gotten himself into?

"When I came home from the academy at age six, I found that my beloved brother had killed my ENTIRE clan. When asked why, he said it was to test his ability, and he subjected me to the illusion of my parents being killed over and over for three days straight in my mind." Neji's shock was evident on his face. "After living my entire life as an avenger, I killed him and learned some other seriously fucked up shit that I'm not at liberty to tell you about which made me want to destroy my home village and kill everyone in it. After an apocalyptic fight to the death with the only true friend I've ever had, I'm back in the village I intended to destroy, paying civilian children to do D-rank missions while I share my deepest secrets with someone I don't know all that well." Neji's face had shifted to that of someone watching a horror movie. "Tch…" Sasuke concluded bitterly, "Wanna trade?"

"Jesus fucking Christ man…" Neji was awestruck that Sasuke wasn't behind white walls in a straightjacket. "Follow me," he said as he turned to walk toward a nearby sake bar. "Don't worry; I'm buying."


End file.
